Muramasa Still on it's Way

Muramasa? What is that you ask? Why, it's possibly one of the few Wii games that is worth buying. Of Odin Sphere and GrimGrimoire fame, this is developer Vanillaware's latest entry into the fray. A gorgeous one at that. That is to be expected, however, considering the artistic direction their previous two games went.



Recently this title was supposed to be localized here by XSEED Games, but for one reason or another they dropped the project. Good thing Ignition Entertainment picked it up. It would have been very sad if this game never reached these shores. You guys can look for this gem September 2009, exclusively on the Wii.

Fallout 4, Anyone?

Just when you had enough of Fallout 3 (and apparently a lot of people did because they felt the game has been terribly torn from its roots), a new game in the Fallout series has been announced: Fallout: New Vegas. While Fallout 3 was a fantastic game, there was an outcry on message boards all over the world that the game really lost a lot of its essence when it was passed on to Bethesda. It seems Bethesda has taken this to heart, and they have outsourced the game to Obsidian Entertainment, whose members include Feargus Urquhart, Chris Parker, and Chris Avallone - some of the original creators of the Fallout series. Their accomplishments also include blockbuster titles like the Icewind Dale series, the Neverwinter Nights series, and Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II. Though the game will still likely be played in the first-person perspective, it will be interesting to see how Obsidian will approach the game. Obsidian's track record is one of the best in the video game industry, particularly the PC industry and computer RPGs, and Fallout revolutionized gaming by creating a genre that continues to influence titles to this day.

The Fall of Creative Labs

Every PC gamer as old as me probably still remembers the days of the 386 and the 486 - that is, the 80386 and 80486 Intel processors. The Intel Pentium chip would soon make its debut and revolutionize the PC industry. At this time, computer gaming was a budding hobby and about to enter its prime. Doom was released during this time, and Wolfenstein 3D was a game of recent memory. It wouldn't take long until cookie cutter copies of these games were created. The economy was certainly better than it is now, and technology was very much a booming field. Microsoft was still growing, and IBM, enjoying a decade or so of domination in the PC market, after licensing PCs to be developed by other companies, would soon be swallowed by Bill Gates' empire.

During these medieval times of the PC, there were wars between audio card companies, such as Aureal, Creative, Media Vision. There were wars not only in audio hardware but software. The competition was able to breed a lot of innovations that bring the PC to where it is today, for better or worse. If you created an inferior, difficult to use product, you and your company would die with history, but if you created a superior, user-friendly, compatible, headache free, non-ass hurting product, then you were in line to maybe conquer your competition.

As a kid I tired of the computer bleeps and tones of the PC speaker on my Dad's old 386, so I coaxed him to buy me a Media Vision Pro Audio Spectrum, a sound card capable of creating digital sound. This was a big deal, because before these cards were made, PCs simply went: "BEEP" and "ERRRP." But to achieve this digital sound, you were forced to manually and incessantly fiddle with your computer and do things such as calculate the square derivative of the speed of light and its effects on the protons and electrons of the elements silicon, iron, silver, and oxygen, and how it thereby causes a chain reaction that induces you to become pissed off at your computer, thereby impelling you to chuck the damn thing out the window.

So, on my 15th birthday, I coerced my parents into getting me a Creative Sound Blaster AWE32 to replace this troublesome Pro Audio Spectrum. For $279.00, this card, for its time, was an absolute beast. It featured Q-Sound (the first card ever to feature three-dimensional sound), a MIDI synthesizer capable of producing fairly realistic emulations of orchestral instruments (today most sound cards and on-board sound are capable of this), and sound quality that rivaled compact discs (CDs). The best part about the sound card was that, despite PCs' clumsy, user-enemy (as opposed to user-friendly) way of scaring off the average consumer, it was compatible and easy to configure. I told myself that I would forever be a fan of Creative Labs until its demise. Henceforth, all sound card purchases for the next decade were all Creative purchases.

All those purchases resulted in some sort of complication or other; calls to tech support, compatibility issues, crashes to the desktop while gaming, infamous blue screens of death (BSODs). My most recent sound card, purchased way back in 2003, a Sound Blaster Audigy 2 Value, has been the most frustrating of my purchases. The card survived up until just last week, where I've tried to be as patient with it as possible, forgiving it for crashing while trying to run Mass Effect, purchasing the $10 ALchemy upgrade from Creative (they later made it available for free due to customer complaints), and constant crackling and rattling in Fallout 3. I've finally abandoned my love affair with Creative and purchased an Auzentech Forte, which appears to be far superior to any sound card I have purchased in recent memory. Though it still uses Creative technology, the actual card is not designed by Creative.

Where did Creative ever go wrong? A combination of stagnating customer satisfaction, poor driver support, brazen claims of prioritizing profit over the customer, and now - the destruction of EAX, Creative's three-dimensional audio. Microsoft, the giant that it is today, became as such by using its dominance in the operating system market to destroy its competition. Since nearly everyone uses Windows, Microsoft has taken advantage of this by preventing EAX to be used in both Vista and Windows 7. And now it seeks to replace EAX with its own proprietary XAudio 2, used in XBox 360 systems. Since EAX only works through Creative's ALchemy (which, by the way, is easy but shoddy way to get EAX to work under Vista and Windows 7), most PC game developers do not even bother to use EAX, or have come up with their own software audio solutions, like surround sound, or even simply relying on stereo. This is sad, because EAX is a very powerful, entertaining, and revolutionary sound technology, but is being destroyed - just like all of Microsoft's competitors in decades past.

Creative still makes powerful, high quality cards, and I am still a big believer in EAX technology. But the days of total dominance are over for them, and though Creative may have shot itself in the foot and at times forsaken its customers, Microsoft seeks to destroy Creative as it has destroyed other companies. In the end, the consumer is the one that suffers, because good innovations are lost, all because of the profit politics of the PC industry.

Tomorrow not coming soon enough

So what new games have got you salivating and marking days down in the calendar?

1. Heavy Rain - PS3 Exclusive
Have you played Fahrenheit (Indigo Prophecy in the US)? How about Omikron: The Nomad Soul on my good old friend the Dreamcast? Quantic Dream delivers more than just a series of images on the screen; they have the power to excite your imagination and create unique relationships with characters. Heavy Rain is a must buy for me and I seriously can not wait for this release.


Just...freaking awesome.


2. Trine - PS3 and PC
A little known title I want to shoe horn into the newly created Little Big Planet genre, but I think Trine has a unique touch for co-op platforming. With a mix of Dungeon and Dragons class types and puzzles requiring real cooperation, I think this game will be fantastic for the adventurous gamer.



3. Fat Princess - PSN Exclusive
Here comes a PSN exclusive that I've been dying to play, more so since the insecure chubby ladies of the net (with no sense of humor) have raised a stink about it.



The game creates a unique cute atmosphere, a design to make the game stand out, then throws buckets of blood and destruction into the mix for a dark comedy effect. Mix that with team play, voice chat and classes for an instant win.

4. Uncharted 2 - PS3 Exclusive
The first Uncharted kicked ass and this one is bigger and better, instant buy.
Uncharted was one of the first games for the PS3 that truly had that next-gen smell to it. I know I can not expect a whole new experience like the first one, but the much more intricate environments alone looks to add a new sense of wonderment and adventure worth my time.




5. Ghostbusters - PS3, Xbox360, and whored out to everything else
Could this possible be the first movie tie-in game that I am interested in buying? I think it helps quite a bit that the movies are from an era of break dancing and a number of the original cast became involved. (Except for Sigourney Weaver, who by internet rumors passed up the chance only to become intrigued when she heard Bill Murray was on the project - but her role had already been filled.)



Now, I am a Little worried. The only version of the game given the green light for true co-op is the big headed Wii version. I'm not sure why the PS3 and Xbox360 are not including anything more than skirmish, but Terminal Reality is keeping things quiet.

6. Batman Arkham Asylum - PS3 Xbox360 & PC


Action fan? Sold.
Batman fan? Holy $hiT that looks AweSome!



Honorable Mentions

1. Bayonetta

Loved DMC1, hated DMC2. So it's a good thing that Hideki Kamiya (神谷　英樹）, the DMC1 director, is taking the helm for this title. Challenging game play with over the top boot stomping, hair wiping, and dragon sufflexing have me watching this title very closely. It would be an instant buy, but well, it IS Sega. Were-Sonic. WERE-SONIC, nuff said.

2. Army of Two: 40th Day
Made for Co-Op games can be tons of fun with a bud. The aggro system and number of improvements to moral choices and money from contracts makes AoT:40th Day a refreshing update that might just get me preordering. Maybe.

3. Bioshock 2
The first was quite delicious, apart from the expected and way too easy final battle. The game play video for the second recently surfaced and looks very, very nice. It also does not look like much has changed from the first one as well. The major difference I saw was the ability to use plasmids in conjunction with your weapon. It just wasn't enough to sell me on a full $60 purchase, and is currently in my expansion category where I'll wait for a price drop before picking it up.


It looks REALLY good, but so did the first one. Not just sold completely yet.


4. MAG: Massive Action Game
Instant Award for least effort when creating a game title. The idea of a 256 player game sounds astonishingly difficult to pull off. Little has been shown in actual game play or mechanics, so I'm going to make some assumptions. 256 players per match means 4 groups of 64 players in different "zones" where they can win certain objectives that match them against other battalions of 64 player groups. I just do not see the hardware and network capability to produce 256 players on a single battlefield currently possible. I'm excited they're putting something like this together, but, I once paid for Planetside. It can go downhill pretty quickly.

The Ultimate First-Person Shooter Parody: Close Range

Forget about Killzone 2, Half-Life 2: Episode 3, Resistance 2, or any of that garbage. The real name of the game is Close Range. Other shooters feature too much running around, pointing, aiming - but this game cuts right to the chase, allowing you to blow people's heads off without all the extra elements of chaff in other games, like stupid story lines and characters that feel meaningless. Human meaning is redefined, aesthetic artistry is set in motion, and entertainment becomes poetry in this tense, blood-pumping, open-ended thriller.

Try the Close Range demo right in your own web browser! It's incredible. It's what I call a real video game.

Resident Evil 5 and Professional Mode

The great almighty me has quickly and dutifully finished Resident Evil 5 with my fellow columnist, Tashpool, about one week after its release. We loved killing zombies so much (albeit minority zombies from Africa) that we re-played and finished the game in veteran mode, thus unlocking professional mode, as you can see from Tashpool's March 28, 2009 "article."

We slaved through the hours of the night, attempting to beat the game's "professional mode." It wasn't pretty. We threw rocks when we ran out of ammo, both at our enemies and at our television screens, and then we made loud noises such as uncontrollable flatulence and belching when our frustration failed to reverberate from our vocal cords. In the end, when the dust settled, it was 5 o'clock in the morning, the dawn was breaking, and the taste in our mouth and smell in our noses was that of dumbass victory. That is, we slowly realized we were dumbasses for succumbing to such madness, and went to bed. All this for the "war hero" achievment on a PS3 network that many consider inferior to XBox Live.

But this matters not, for I am still greater than you for being victorious in Resident Evil 5 professional mode. I now have the right to be a God, as I have made Albert Wesker forfeit such a right on professional mode! I no longer even have to do my taxes! Hey, I will find a way to get out of prison though, because I beat Albert Wesker on professional mode, and I'm just that good.

I met my friend Andrew and told him of the experience. "That must have been brutal," he says to me. "You're supposed to play professional mode with infinite ammo! That's the whole purpose of having infinite ammo!"

"What?" I said to him. "No, that doesn't make sense. Why would you do that if you wanted to challenge yourself?" But Andrew insists that this is the whole reason that infinite ammo and professional mode exist.

But wait, if one is indeed a professional, shouldn't they be able to handle "professional mode" without infinite ammo?

Anyway. If you and a friend decide to take on this task of playing professional mode in Resident Evil 5, here are some tips (note that there are some major spoilers below; I warned you!):

1. Forget the melee and "bulletproof vests." In professional mode, these inventory items have the efficacy of a dungeons and dragons nerd courting a professional model using pick-up lines like "Your beauty is like a 10-d-1000." Generally, things will hit you once, and either Chris or Sheva will double over in pain and die regardless of bulletproof underwear or tank-tops, and you will get the dreaded, "YOU DIED" screen, thereby validating your suckiness. Use those inventory slots for extra first-aid spray instead.

2. As often as possible, stay directly adjacent to your partner! When you do get hit by something, it's likely to cause you or your partner to begin the one-second sequence to game-over. When this happens, you MUST press the circle button, be within range of your partner, and resuscitate him or her as soon as the screen flashes white, or else you will be too late. This is impossible if you are even three or four feet away from your partner.

3. Play with an actual human player, preferably a friend. Even though the game's AI is great as a partner, it still doesn't measure up to an actual human at the controls. By having a friend play with you, you can coordinate plans and not actually have to worry about the AI doing something you don't want it to do. The AI is good, but a human partner will always be better.

4. If you don't want to play with infinite ammo, then play in an easier mode, either with a friend or solo, and stockpile as much ammo as you possibly can. This isn't cheating; the game allows you to do this. And not only that, but you can still legally claim that you didn't touch the infinite ammo mode switch. So if you want this honor, then take advantage of the game allowing you to stockpile ammo! You don't want to be in a situation where you have to face a horde of zombies that will take you out in one hit, and you have no ammo to do anything about it.

5. When prompted to press a button in a boss fight or FMV sequence, think before you press! And do it damn quick! This is obviously easier said than done. If you haven't noticed, when the screen prompts you to press the square button to dodge during a video or boss fight, if you press "X" instead, then you've already lost the game or come very close to losing. When prompted to press a button, try and relax yourself, wait for the prompt to flash, and then press the button. There's usually only, at very most, a one-second window, and in the worst case scenario, literally two-tenths of a second for you to press the button correctly, and then the game will end or come very close to ending.

6. In the battle where Uroboros swallows Excella Gionne, be prepared to be frustrated. Between me and Tashpool we took two hours attempting to defeat this thing. This is mainly because when the screen prompts you to dodge, and you press the wrong button, the game ends. Like in previous difficulty modes, one person should be firing the laser, and the other should be covering him or her. This is probably one of the most difficult boss fights on professional mode. Tips #1 and #2 are crucial in this fight, and don't be shy about stocking up on first-aid spray. Your results may vary.

7. In the battle with Wesker and Valentine vs. Chris and Sheva: It is very important to get Wesker to knock Chris through the door on the bottom floor of the room, because this leads to several passages that allows you to evade Wesker and Valentine. Have the player who plays Chris simply stand in front of the door, and Wesker will kick him through the door, thus opening up a maze of passages that allows you to evade Wesker. You can use the passages to draw both Jill and Wesker into them, run around in loops in the maze there and evade Wesker, while working together with your partner to perpetually knock-out Jill. Note that when Wesker is loudly proclaiming that he can't find you, you can try to run around behind him, fire two magnum shots into his back, then run the other direction.

Finally, you can simply try to run around and evade both Wesker and Valentine for seven minutes, but this too will be difficult. Whatever the case, it's going to be tough; Wesker or Jill only needs to connect a punch, kick, or bullet once and you'll be one-second away from the game ending.

8. Above all, patience. You're going to die. There's no way around it. And it's going to happen most frequently with the bosses. This does not mean that you suck. Unless of course, we are talking about your skill in relation to mine. But it is called "professional mode" for a reason. Hang in there, and you too will one day claim the glory of defeating professional mode, without using infinite ammo!

I wish you all some happy Resident Evil 5 adventures! And remember, only you can light Tashpool on fire with great joy.

In the Shadow of Horrible Movie Ideas

So Sony is planning to make a movie based on Shadow of the Colossus. It's being produced by Kevin Misher of The Scorpion King fame. Being a spin off from The Mummy, that movie was a huge disappointment. Whose the writer? Justin Marks. The same person who wrote Street Figher: The Legend of Chun-Li. Why yes, that is a metacritic score of 17 out of 100.

Shadow of the Colossus is one of my all time favorite games, and one that showed me countless time that I have no idea how to spell Colossus without google.

If you're unfamiliar with the game, it has a well drawn out formula that creates a unique sense of awe throughout its iteration. You play Wander, a young man who takes a lifeless milky white skinned girl named Mono to an alter where you hunt down and murder 16 Innocent colossi as sacrifices to demigod Dormin who promises to resurrect your love in a wonderful zombie revival. Yes, it IS that good.

What sets the game apart from other sacrificial zombie like stories is that each colossi is a unique puzzle, only to be defeated once the player finds their special weakness. This ruins any replay value, but the depth of each boss fight and discovery of these weaknesses is a triumph in itself. The game also has a loose tie in with ICO, another game that deserves to be played and praised for wonderful story development and personal attachment.

The Killer chooses his next colossi victim.

As wondrous as SotC is, transformation into a movie has all the marks for a horrible never ending dvd of disgrace. The game has very little dialog which puts emphasis on the solidity of the main character as he battles colossi in a unique way to save Mono for some unknown reason. Where will the dialog come from? How will you translate the epic colossi visuals when you feel disconnected from Wander? No horse will ever be able to live up to Agro! (If I ever do own a horse, you can bet I will name him Agro and train him/her to come when I whistle and gallop in the direction of light shining off my huge forehead.)

Transforming video games into the big screen has brought new lows into the world, I'm staring at you Uwe Boll. The medium to tell the story is vastly different and the main audience you're presenting to will either have no clue where to grasp the foundations from or they'll be overly disappointed at the lack of game connections.

In closing, I hope this movie never gets made. The story of Wander, Agro, and Mono was one of the few gaming experiences I'll never forget and always enjoy. I don't think a team of movie makers will every exists who could do it proper justice. And if it does get made, I'll have to be a lemming and show up opening night just because of the name. You won't be able to miss me, I'll be in the back row crying into my popcorn from the disappointment.

Damn you Hollywood, damn you. Now pass the extra salty popcorn.

Resident Evil 5 Versus - Too little for too much

So if you check out the Playstation Store today, you'll notice a new download item, Resident Evil 5 Versus. There has been a number of internet boards ablaze with the new multiplayer content for a number of reasons.

1. The content is already on the Disc
In other words, what you pay $5.00 to download, is just some programming rules to reuse all of the materials you already paid for.

2. This is being released only a few weeks since the initial launch.
So even though Capcom PR screams bloody murder about the release window for this being on a different schedule, they knew from the get-go where this was going and how they were going to sell it.

3. The amount of content for $5.00 is pretty pathetic.
For your money, you get Mercenaries (again) with the only difference being two players are rated against each other as they kill zombies. Sounds like a mod someone could whip up in half an hour.
You also get, PVP for 1v1 or 2v2. Now this sounds interesting, even with some control issues at hand. But really, Five dollars for something that would honestly take half a day to mod up with the right tools?

Capcom saying they allocated time and a budget for this content is a miserable excuse for money. There are NO NEW assets to the game, it is a simple logic update that is rudimentary at best. The worst part is the $5.00 price point. Yes, some of that pays for the internet costs over the PSN, but this is not a MMORPG with a server and database system. This is four PS3s communicating, at best, in half hour sessions at a time.

For such a great co-op game experience, Capcom blunders with an add-on that gives too little for too high a price. I am not spending my money on this sham, and I recommend you don't as well. When Capcom wants to release worthy content, I'll be ready to head back to Kijuju.